great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
