Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
