Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
