hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
