I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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