i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pants are for mortals
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
