She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
