Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
