Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
