I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
