I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
