i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
