i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
