i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
