my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
