You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
