YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
