Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
