yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
