God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
