if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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