EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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