Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
