It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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