Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
