so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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