my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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