I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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