i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
