what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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