u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
