he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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