The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
