Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
