you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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