are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
