I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
