..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
