dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
