You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
