Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
