those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
