i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
