we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
