That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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