i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
