wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
