You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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