I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
