I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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