dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
