i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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