We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
