how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
