I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
