I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
