Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
