yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
