porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
