Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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